Sephiroth x Zim x Cloud x Tallest x Dib x Membrane
by idontwanttodothis
Summary: CLOUD GETS DEPRESSED AND SEPHIROTH MOLESTS CHILDREN. NO ONE DIES. EXCEPT CLOUD BECAUSE HE'S AN ASSHOLE.


CHAPTAIR ONE

So one day Zim was walking down a lovely street. But then it caught on fire. He was happy. He was very horny. So he stared at a fire hydrant for three hours. Dib took notes. Zim realized Dib was being creepy. So they fought. Zim won because he's awesome.

On this same day, in Dib's point of view, he was following Zim. Zim almost noticed, but then he didn't. The street caught on fire and Dib was sad. He too was very horny. So he stared at Zim staring at a fire hydrant for three hours. He took notes. Zim noticed him and attacked like an angry thing. Dib lost because he isn't Zim.

Meanwhile Cloud Strife was visiting an ice cream shop. He bought chocolate ice cream because that ice cream is his favorite kind. Then Cloud remembered how sad he was and began crying into his ice cream. He looked out the window and noticed the street was on fire and saw two children (one who was oddly green) fighting. Then he began crying some more, because fire and children fighting reminded him of his dead girlfriend, what's-her-face. Thinking about Aerith made him horny.

ON THE SAME GODDAMN DAY, Sephiroth was busy molesting children. Not really, but he wanted to because he was horny. As he was trololololing down the street, he noticed it was on fire. But he didn't care because he was busy thinking about fucking his mother. He saw two kids killing each other and he wanted to do them. SO HARD.

Also on this annoyingly terrific day, about 30 or so Sephiroth clones were having a rave party. It was fun, and they were all horny as well.

Oh yea, and Professor Membrane was blowing shit up. He was horny.

CHAPTAIR TWO

So after beating up Dib, Zim decided he would take him to his magnificent lab and do experiments on him. As he was dragging Dib away, Cloud was thrown out of the ice cream shop for depressing the little children. Sephiroth laughed at him. Then Cloud cried. But anyway, Zim got lost and decided he would do the experiments on Dib in some human's house.

As Zim entered the empty house with Dib being dragged behind him, he noticed that whoever lived at this house had the most amazing toaster he'd ever seen. So Zim took Dib into the bedroom and tied him to the bed.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, ZIM?" questioned/exclaimed Dib.

"Eh, well, there's nowhere else to tie you up, so uh… HEIL ZIIIIIM!" said Zim in reply. :O

"BUT THIS IS JUST WRONG!" exclaimed Dib in reply to Zim's reply.

But Zim didn't care because he was Zim.

CHAPTAIR THREE

Meanwhile, Cloud was crying and getting his tears all over the sidewalk. All the little children that walked by were all like "Mister, are you okayyy?" and Cloud was all like "NUUUUUU MY GIRLFRIEND IS DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAADDDDD. DON'T EVER GET ANY FRIENDS, LITTLE BOY/GIRL, EVERYONE YOU EVER LOVE WILL JUST DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" Then, as the child walked away crying, Sephiroth would go up to him/her and be all like "You wanna come to my house and plaayyy, little boy/girl?" And then the kid's mom would come in and be all like "WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU PEDO."

Then Sephiroth looks over and notices the funny green child dragging the not green child into his house. "MMMM, LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE SOME FUN." He would exclaim. So he ran after them. Then Cloud got all saddened and ran after him yelling, "NOOOO I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED, TAKE ME WITH YOOOUUUUU!"

CHAPTAIR FOUR

IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED, THESE CHAPTERS ARE REAL SHORT, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I'M COOL. NOW STOP BITCHING AND EAT YOUR DAMN POPCORN.

So then Sephiroth knocks down the door. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE, YOUNG'N?" He exclaimed politely.

"THIS? IS YOUR HOUSE?" Zim exclaimed impolitely, "SO IT IS YOUUU WHO OWNS THIS MAGNIFICENT TOASTER!"

"Yup," Sephiroth said as Cloud clinged to his leg, crying. "NOW GET IN THE GODDAMN BEDROOM BEFORE I GET A GODDAMN METEOR ON YOUR ASS!"

"NO! YOU DO NOT CONTROL ZIIIIIIM!" Zim exclaimed.

"HALP PLEASE, I'M STUCK HERE, TIED TO A BED" Dib yelped. But no one cared.

"!" Sephiroth exclaimed because he had been watching too much Dragon Ball Z.

"YOU GUYS. I'M SAD AND COMPRESSED AND HORNY. LET'S ALL MAKE LOVE TO EACH OTHER," Cloud exclaimed suddenly.

"…" said Sephiroth.

"…" said Zim.

"…" said Dib.

"…" said Cloud.

"…okay" said Sephiroth.

"WHAT. NO. NO. GET ME OUT OF HERE! D= ", exclaimed Dib sadly.

"COME, MY MINIONS, I SUMMON YOU TO THIS ORGY. ORGY POWER ACTIVATED!" exclaimed Sephiroth, throwing his arms in the air like he just don't care.

So then a bunch of goddamn Sephiroth clones come flying in through the window.

And so Zim pulls out his nifty MAGICAL WATCH THING, and calls the Tallest and tells them to get their asses over wherever the hell Sephiroth's house is and have an orgy with them. So then they did.

Next thing you know, the Massive has landed in Sephiroth's backyard. So then the Tallest come in, wearing no clothes. This made everyone happy, except Dib because he's a fun-sucker.

The Tallest were exceptionally beautiful today. Their eyes sparkled under the moonlight even though it was 2:30 in the afternoon. Their flawless skin stunned everyone. They had been dating for several months now and have wanted to join in an orgy. They had just made love the hour before, making them _very _aroused. They made the perfect couple, and obviously it was this perfectness that made them perfect. They were beautiful. Everyone loved them more than life itself, because they were that magnificent. Dib was the only one who didn't like them because he's an asshole.

SUDDENLY THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR THAT MAGICALLY ISN'T KNOCKED OVER ANYMORE. So Sephiroth answered the door, wearing only his Batman briefs. Slowly, he opened the door… got on the floor, EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR.

But seriously, in all seriousness, Professor Membrane was at the door.

"HELLO SEPHIROTH. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU SOME BAD NEWS. TURNS OUT YOUR MOTHER IS AN ALIEN NAMED JENOVA AND YOU WERE ALL PART OF SOME HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT," He said ignoring the fact there was a sexy silver haired man in front of him half naked.

"NO TIME FOR THAT NOW, SIR. GET IN HERE AND JOIN OUR ORGY!" Sephiroth told him.

"Welllll, I have a lot of work to do today, BUUUUT, I guess I have some time to kill, why not? =D" he replied sexily.

"ALRIGHT!" said whoever the hell was turned on by Prof. Membrane at the time.

"NO DAD! UNTIE MEE, I MUST GET AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE! HALP MEE FATHERRRR D=" exclaimed Dib, who was confused as to WHY his dad would have an orgy with them and never even take the time to read his son's 5,000 word report on why Zim is a horrible alien.

"HAHA. No, son, this is for your own good," said Membrane.

"WHAT. HOW?" exclaimed Dib, who was on the verge of turning into the Hulk and smashing everyone. But no one cared, so that's the end of this chapter.

CHAPTAIR FIVE

So there everyone was, standing in the middle of Sephiroth's bedroom, either completely naked or almost naked, except for Dib, because he's a fucking asshole.

"… sooooo, who wants to start?" asked Cloud, who was still on the verge of crying again.

"Someone get Dib's pants off first," said Sephiroth sexily.

So then Purple took his pants off because no one else wanted to go near the bitchy little boy who kept bitching about being raped.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'M NAKEDDDDDDDDDDDD D= !" exclaimed Dib because he didn't want to be naked at that particular moment. He was horny though, so he had a boner which is good. In fact, everyone in the room had a boner, except the Sephiroth clones because they had erectile dysfunction.

Speaking of the Sephiroth clones, they all started making out with each other to break the awkwardness. It was hot. Sephiroth's dick was quivering.

Yea, I said it.

So the next part goes a little something like this:  
Purple started fucking Cloud. Red started fucking Zim. Sephiroth did Dib because he's a pedophile. And Professor Membrane fucked the night stand because there are an odd number of people.

Cloud ended up getting AIDS right after Purple came and he died. Then Red was all like "YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE CLEAN!" and Purple said, "AND YOU TOLD ME YOU WEREN'T PREGNANT!" and Red said "THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TELL EVERYONE _" and Purple said "okay." So then they started making out.

Zim got all sad because Red stopped fucking him. So then it was his turn at the night stand while Membrane did Cloud's dead body.

But the night stand gave Zim a splinter, so he got all mad and blew it up. Then Sephiroth got all angry because that was his favorite night stand. So Zim fucked Dib while Sephiroth cried in a corner about his night stand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO, MY ARSE IS ALREADY FORTY TIMES BIGGER THAN IT WAS BEFORE! DON'T HURT ME ANYMMOOOOORRREEE!" exclaimed Dib as Zim jumped on top of him. But Zim just said something Zim would say. Then Zim kissed Dib like a lot. And Dib realized how much he loved the orgy, and he was totally cool about being fucked for the rest of the time. They were happy.

The Sephiroth clones slowly kept disappearing one by one because Sephiroth is an asshole and he didn't want them around because they ruined the mood or something. He was also complaining about how Zim has to buy him a new nightstand. But Zim didn't care because Dib had a wonderful ass.

Then suddenly there was a big explosion across town, and Membrane jumped up from Cloud's dead body, and ran out of the house naked screaming, "NOOOOO THEY DID IT AGAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINN!"

So now there's no more Membrane man. ;(

Sephiroth used a phoenix down on Cloud because he didn't want to be the only one crying. So now Cloud and Sephiroth are crying in a corner while Red and Purple make love in the closet, and Zim and Dib are really enjoying that weird alien sex they're doing.

Sephiroth realizes it's getting late, so he says "YOU GUYS, IT'S 7 O'CLOCK, THAT'S MY BED TIME, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE! D=" So then Zim was all like "ZIM LEAVES WHEN ZIM WANTS TO LEAVE!" So Sephiroth threw him out the window. Dib put his pants on and left casually, because he's cool like that. Red and Purple jumped out the window, but the Massive was broken because no one was watching the smeets and they destroyed the thingy that makes the ship fly. So they decided to stay at Zim's house.

CHAPTAIR SIX

"Can I sleep with you, Sephy?" asked Cloud in a cute little kid's voice.

"Sure, whatever," replied Sephiroth, who was only half paying attention, because he was still depressed about losing his night stand, and was also worrying about how he'll get the cum off his bed sheets ever since that crazy fan girl stole his washing machine.

So then Sephiroth used Cloud as a towel and used him to absorb the cum off his bed. Then Cloud started crying which got the bed all wet. Then they slept together until about 11 PM when Sephiroth got tired of Cloud's crying and decided to make him sleep on the couch, where Cloud spent the rest of the night crying.

MEANWHILE, as Dib left the residence of Sephiroth, he was strolling down the street which was still on fire. Ignoring this, he returned to his home. When he entered his house of residence, he came in to see Zim and Gaz doing it on the couch. Normally, Dib would've beaten Zim to a dumb gooey pulp, but he was too busy not caring.

So then Dib masturbated to pictures of Zim and then went to sleep. But he couldn't sleep because the sound of Zim banging his sister kept him awake all night.

MEANWHILE, Zim was all hurt from being flung out the window. But then he was all bettered. As he strolled down the street, trying to find his house (because apparently GIR was being an asshole and moved it. Seriously GIR, the house isn't a fucking mobile unit), he came across Gaz who was asleep on the sidewalk. APPARENTLY she was drunk or something. (Fucking eight years old what the hell). So then he woke her up, and they went back to her place and did it on the couch. Now she's pregnant with some Irken/human crossbreed.

Turns out Dib is pregnant too, but he doesn't know it yet. ZIM'S GOT SOME POWERFUL SPERM THERE.

MEANWHILE, The Tallest were yelling at each other.

"I THOUGHT YOU GOT THE BABYSITTING BOT TO WATCH THE SMEETS," exclaimed Purple.

"WE DON'T EVEN HAVE SUCH A THING. IT WAS YOUR FAULT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE SLAVES TO WATCH THEM," exclaimed Red.

"I DID. I JUST FORGOT."

"WHAT THE FUCK PURPLE"

"YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO DO EVERYTHING."

"I'M PREGNANT HERE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTING US D="

"I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, DAMMIT."

"YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ;_;"

"STOP BITCHING AT ME. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING."

"WELL, I AM"

"YOU KNOW WHAT, LET'S JUST GO GET A HOTEL AND DEAL WITH THIS IN THE MORNING, OKAY?"

"FINE. BUT DON'T EXPECT ANY SEX TONIGHT. HMPH."

"I DON'T WANT TO FUCK YOU ANYMROE ANYWAYS, BITCH."

"GASP. WELL FINE THEN."

So after that dilemma was over with, they went to book a stay at HOLIDAY INN TM. But the counter dude was all like "Ooooh sorry, we have a strict policy about having aliens stay here, sorry, but you'll have to leave."

"BUT HE'S PREGNANT D="

"Sooorrryy, it's the code."

"FINE. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, HONEY."

So then they left that horrible place. "Where can we go now? ;_;" asked Red worriedly. "Eh, let's just go stay at Zim's base or something" Said Purple. So then they used a tracking system that Zim was too dumb to use and found his house. Purple knocked on the beautiful door, and GIR answered. "HI THAR!" GIR exclaimed, holding a bottle of shit.

"Yo, we be staying here for the night, k dawwg?" said Red defiantly.

"OKEY DOKEY!" GIR replied, and let them in the house.

They slept on the couch because Zim doesn't have a bed because he's a jackass.

EPILOUGUE

YES. THAT'S HOW THE STORY FUCKING ENDS, BUT THIS IS A GODDAMN EPILOUGUE, SO SHUT UP, THERE'S SLIGHTLY MORE INFORMATION THAN BEFORE.

So several months later, there's this spawn of Zim and Dib and his name is Clyde. Then there's that Gaz and Zim spawn and her name is Death.

Red gives birth to some octopus-looking thing, I don't know. But Purple got really pissed that Red cheated on him, and now they aren't friends anymore. Well they stopped being friends for about 3 hours and then Purple gets arrested for alcohol abuse, and Red bails him out, and they raise the octopus-looking thing together and name it Blue, because they're horrible at choosing names. They also decide to live on Earth after finding out the smeets completely destroyed Irk and everyone on it including themselves. Red now works at K-Mart, and Purple works at a sex shop.

Zim became a lawyer because he loves yelling at people for being stupid. He then got arrested for false accusations, and ended up losing five million dollars. Dib bailed him out because they love each other, and now they live together, taking care of Death and Clyde together because Gaz lives at the bottom of the ocean to avoid humanity.

Professor Membrane is awarded 33,056 Nobel Prizes and he moves on make Earth a more futurey looking place. Seriously, it looks fucking awesome thanks to him. =D But he still fails to believe that Zim is an alien even after that night Zim got drunk and went to his house late at night wearing no clothes and told Membrane all his Irken secrets.

Sephiroth got a job at a day care where he spends most of his time molesting children and telling them it's just a daily inspection. Cloud proposed to him and they got married and had triplets; Tic, Tac, and Toe. But the marriage failed after Sephiroth got pissy about how Cloud was always crying. Then Cloud cried even more because Sephiroth said he cried too much. Cloud was a stay at home mom until Sephiroth and Cloud got a divorce, and Sephiroth got legal rights to the kids because he wanted to molest them that badly. Cloud became a hobo.

The Sephiroth clones all died because Sephiroth got bored of using them to help him build his Lego tower of awesome, because one of them broke it and then they died.

Sephiroth then stalked Zim and left him threatening notes until he finally replaced his night stand. It wasn't as good as the old one, but it was good enough to make Sephiroth happy. Sephiroth then married the night stand, and became rather enraged when he discovered he couldn't have children with it. No child molesting for you, Sephiroth.


End file.
